I’m Going To Disappoint My Daughter

07May08

On Tuesday’s I play in a club volleyball league. In high school I loved playing and it’s great to be able to do that today.

Last night my daughter Kassidi wanted to come along and hang out. She enjoys playing volleyball, so we had a chance to hit around and warm up a little together before the games started. It was so sweet to look over between points and see here there.

She likes to hang out with me. I love that! When we come home from church on Sunday’s, she always wants to ride with me. When I run a quick errand to the grocery store, she wants to go along. It makes me feel so special.

Last night as we were coming home from volleyball, we were goofing off and laughing and it hit me. Someday I will disappoint her. It’s inevitable. And not the little disappointment. I am sure her feelings will be hurt. I may cause her to cry. Someday she will be hurt because of something I said or did. It might just happen because I had to be her Father, but it also may happen because I made a mistake.

We’ve just talked about what motivates us. After feeling what I did last night, I am motivated to never cause her that kind of pain, always be the best Dad I can be for her and to be the best male role model she will ever see. She deserves it.

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28 Responses to “I’m Going To Disappoint My Daughter”

  1. Bro, soak every moment of that, as long as you can! I have one daughter in college and one in high school… So many wonderful experiences with each of them that I wouldn’t trade for all of the money in the world! You will watch with amazement the more that she becomes her own person… mark those times and play them back for her on that day you must let her fly.

    In the mean time; a great book, if you haven’t already read it: “What a Difference a Daddy Makes” by Kevin Leman

  2. This is just about the sweetest thing ever. 😀 *tear* 😉

    Seriously though, very touching. And really, with the path you are on as a dad, I don’t think that day will come from you making a mistake. I think it will come from you making a dad decision that every teen girl hates….it WILL involve a boy. 😆

  3. Steve, thanks for the info on Lehman. love his stuff. He was at our church last year. I will check out that book. And I am sure i will play those amazing days back in my head forever.

    Bran, thanks. And there won’t be an issue with a boy, cause she will never date 🙂

  4. 4 Tyler

    and that is exactly when you will disappoint her brent. girls always want to date when they get older. of course…im sure you know that.

  5. Haha!!

    Of course I am kidding. I actually think I will do pretty well with the dating thing. I will obviously have expectations, but they are no more than respect issues for me.

    Letting go will be interesting.

  6. 6 TheNorEaster

    Did you tell her that you will disappoint her because sometimes that’s your job as the dad? It saves a lot of trouble when you know it’s coming. And when I became a partner of my church, Pastor Lisa told the newcomers that at some point, someone at this church was going to offend you. Pastor Jim still points that out every once while…

    …Well, before I start re-writing the whole thing…Let her know that you are a human being–not a superhero. She’ll find out soon enough anyway. Maybe it’s better that she hears it from you first…if your dad-ego can handle it. 😉

  7. No Dad worthy of the name wants to disappoint His ‘Little’ Girl – am not sure any father in History ever managed not to do that though – i’m fairly sure Eve was Disappointed at getting kicked out of ‘Home’!

    It may well be inevitable, but i’m with NE’er – far better she hears about it from you before it happens.

    Besides – Kass is really smart – i’m sure she’s worked out already that you are not totally perfect! 😉

    Not yet anyway! Poor Tam, Poor, Poor Tam 🙂

    <B

  8. My thoughts exactly. When the boy cries, it’s because he’s a baby and he has to express his discomfort. It’ll be much different when he understands my selfish acts and feels hurt by them.

  9. Brent – Wow! I’m sitting here wondering how you’ve made it THIS FAR without disappointing her! You’ve never had to say ‘no’ to something Kass really wanted? Never promised her anything that didn’t quite work out? If that’s the case, please share your secrets with me cuz I’m apparently doing something wrong. My kids are 14, 12, & 7 and I know I’ve disappointed all of them at one time or another.

    BTW, it’s a wonderful indication of the kind of Dad you are that you even take a moment to reflect on this sort of thing.

  10. NorEaster,Love and givemejesus, I assure you, she does know my weaknesses already. She is also quite aware of my duties as Dad. There are times already where I have had to say no, but she has been a remarkably mature young lady. The standards she has set for herself are good ones and she has been a wonderful child to raise. We will have our trials, I am ready.

    I think Cool Dad nailed it. It is one thing for me to disappoint her “being Dad”. It is quite another, if in my selfishness, I hurt her. I am completely capable of that and will be doing my best as a Father to treat her well. She deserves a good Dad, cause she is a great daughter.

  11. 11 tam

    “She deserves a good Dad, cause she is a great daughter.”

    she’s a great daughter cause she has a great dad!

  12. Amen to that Tam. Well said!

  13. Thanks guys!

  14. Your comment clarified the point of your post for me and I understand now that you were thinking and feeling something far beyond the disappointment you might cause in your role as her Dad.

    This strikes a chord with me because I was mired in addiction for most of my kid’s lives and am only now seeing how my selfishness has hurt them over the years. It is not a good place to be. All I can do now is try to make up for it by being the best Dad I can be from this point forward.

    I commend you for being honest with yourself and committing to your family in such a powerful way.

    And, I’d say based on what I read over at inProgress, Kass has a pretty great Mom, too. You people disgust me! 😛

  15. givemejesus, it is never too late. I know from reading some of your stuff that you love them deeply. They can always blame the past, but they cannot say the Dad they have does not love them. they will always know that. Keep up the great work!

    And yes, Tam is a great mom, disgusting and all 😛

  16. Brent – Thank you for that. Truly. Thank you.

  17. 17 lazrus2

    I think I know Kass well enough (personally and from what you and Tam have shared) to know that if you hurt her by your ‘mistake’ or ‘selfishness’, all it would take is “I’m sorry, please forgive me”, and it would instantly be healed.

    I think that’s true in any loving relationship. Though it’s sometimes the hardest thing to do, it’s really the only way to keep love alive.

    D-

  18. 18 brandy

    ahhh, I don’t know WHY but Tam’s comment seriously made me cry. I’m not kidding either. 😯

  19. Brent – this is important – it may happen, may not. But if it does, talk about it. I have been there – after raising a daughter who is now 37, that is a relationship that will be there for both of your lives – till death.

    It was 1994 – my daughter and I sat in the bleachers of a university, waiting for her husband to be to get his engineering degree. I turned to her and said; “”I know as a father I have been less than perfect, I have made mistakes, forgive me. I do not want this conversation again – (I cried) I want you to go on from this day, never looking back at my screw-ups and blaming me for any bad choices you make later on. You are a big girl and need to accept responsibility for your own actions.” We hugged, we laughed, we cried! She is still my little girl and I still know my choices, even at 64, affect her. Make your choices wisely my friend!
    P.S. Tell Tam to check her email later.

  20. givemejesus, your welcome.

    D, forgiveness is huge. I pray that she is learning what that means.

    Bran, I got to practice on you a bit years ago…you’ve taught me a lot.

    Papa, thanks for sharing that. Even when she leaves this house, I look forward to what we will always have.

  21. 21 Cheryl

    Ah Brent, nice post. I read it a couple of times. A couple of things come to mind. I think that if you do hurt Kass it will probably involve a boy like Brandy said, but she a pretty mature young woman and b/c she walks with the Lord, that hurt will be only momentary. She knows you are human and that is something that daughters forget. She knows that that now and I didn’t learn that until college.

    You post also reminded me of Simone and Greg. Some time ago Greg was fixing a dvd player and had a hot soldering gun out. Simone woke up from her nap and of course headed for the soldering gun. He yelled for her not to touch it and I heard her cry but it was a different cry. Greg immediately realized that he crushed her little heart and apologized. But he was only trying to keep her safe. So all that to say, when the time comes…you probably were trying to keep Kass safe.

  22. Brent, Kass will have to deal with two kinds of mistakes – those she makes and those others make. You will impact both. She will handle better the mistakes she is making that you help her with better than the mistakes you make. If she were to see you make a moral decision that would jeopardize her family, security – it would be devestating – keep your guard up! Satan is out there seeking those he can destroy.

  23. Cheryl, she is a good girl. The boy thing will be interesting, but I will be patient 🙂 I know in my heart there will be many more decisions I will need to make that will impact her, but I am truly interested in her best.

    Papa, Agreed Papa, good insight, thank you.

  24. Well B, I can honestly say you were a great “father figure” and I think my “teen years” would have been much different without you (and Tam) so, thank you. 😀 &heart;

  25. I meant: ♥

  26. You and your emoticons 🙂

  27. GMJ beat me to it!

    Kass has TWO simply wonderful Role Models in her life…

    … Me and Papa! 🙂

    and neither of you two disgust me 😉

    IW’s choices at Roscoe’s and for Dinner however… but that is all in the past now – right? 😉

    <B

  28. Haha!!!

    Definitely in the past Love…at least starting tomorrow 🙂



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